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Jokes Quotes

I'd get home at 3:30 A.M. from the bar after my shift ended at 1. I'd write jokes, film it, and then sleep. So I did that for two years.

Home Sleep Write Two Bar Jokes

Something about not waiting for the laugh of a laugh track allows you to take lines that otherwise might be seen as just direct jokes, and make them seem realistic.

Mitchell Hurwitz

Waiting Laugh You Realistic Jokes

After being a born-again punk rocker for about ten years, the whole thing started falling apart. American hardcore had become Californians in baggy shorts making jokes about being white trash, and British punk had morphed into dogmatic crusties yelling at everyone about everything.

American White Trash Become Jokes

I don't know how to tell a joke. I never tell jokes. I can tell stories that happened to me... anecdotes. But never a joke.

Me I Can Know Never Jokes Tell

Most of my jokes are racist - usually about the Irish.

Irish Jokes Most About

Before, I didn't do celebrity stuff, 'cause Kathy Griffin did that, but now, if you're going to make jokes on Twitter, you have to stay current.

Lisa Lampanelli

You Now Celebrity Jokes Stay Going

The most fun I ever have is sitting in with Rick writing, and we laugh at our own jokes.

Adrian Edmondson

Fun Writing Laugh Sitting Jokes Own

We only ever write jokes that amuse us.

Jay Chandrasekhar

Write Jokes Us Only Ever Amuse

I never want to cannibalize my act, and I'm really excited that I am going to be able to perform new material. I'm not a huge fan of repeating jokes, and I don't really do any of my old material from old stand-up acts.

I Am New Want Never Old Jokes

I had no desire to get up onstage and tell jokes. I prefer to stand next to really funny people.

Funny People Stand Desire Jokes Up

My hair was long with a fringe, and people would make jokes, calling me Britney and Lady Gaga.

People Me Hair Lady Long Jokes

When I make a book, I make it for the child and not for the parent - no jokes in it for the parents!

Child Parents Book Parent Jokes

My dad is a really funny guy, and we would make jokes about my leukemia. When my friends would come over, we would joke about it, too.

Funny Friends Over Joke Jokes Guy

We have come to expect campaigns to be mean and stupid and politicians to be unresponsive, self-seeking and for sale to the highest bidder. We make jokes about our vice president, and all we ask of a president is that he be likeable. We seem to have given up on the Pentagon's corrupt use of our tax dollars.

Donella Meadows

Stupid Tax President Mean Ask Jokes

I've always been terrible on regular sitcoms with lots of jokes. I don't know how to tell jokes.

Know Always Jokes Tell Terrible How

I've always tended to write comedy, but I'd hate to just write some kind of sitcom or a lighthearted series of jokes and slapstick. I wanted to talk about some deeper things within the comedy.

Hate Comedy Kind Talk Write Jokes

I crack jokes all the time. Even when I have a fight, I will make a joke, and people will laugh.

Time Fight People Laugh Will Jokes

I'm a 12-handicap.

Weekend Week Write Jokes Only About

I put out some very entertaining material on social media! Check my Instagram, Twitter, and Snapchat! I got jokes for days!

Social Media Media Out Jokes Days

It's perfectly okay if you don't understand every single one of them. For one thing, I make a lot of corny jokes, and you have to be 40 years old to get some of them.

Brian P. Cleary

You Understand Okay Single Jokes

I have this very abstract idea in my head. I wouldn't even want to call it stand-up, because stand-up conjures in one's mind a comedian with a microphone standing onstage under a spotlight telling jokes to an audience. The direction I'm going in is eventually, you won't know if it's a joke or not.

Garry Shandling

Mind Direction You Know Want Jokes

I was really enjoying one of the screenings of 'Beautiful Creatures' and there was this little 14-year-old boy sitting next to me in the screening and I was laughing at all the jokes and I just felt really judged. I had to keep it down a bit. It's a bit embarrassing.

Beautiful Me Down Sitting Boy Jokes

My best jokes are so cheap. All I do is say things sarcastically.

Best Say Cheap Jokes Things

Dwarves are still the butt of jokes. It's one of the last bastions of acceptable prejudice.

Butt Prejudice Jokes Last Still

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