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Jackie Mason Quotes

American - Comedian | June 9, 1931 -

It's no longer a question of staying healthy. It's a question of finding a sickness you like.

Health Sickness Finding You Healthy

Predictions are preposterous.

Future Predictions

It is more profitable for your congressman to support the tobacco industry than your life.

Life Support More Industry Your

I don't believe that anybody has come to a conclusion on why something is funny. It's funny because it's ridiculous and it's ridiculous for different reasons at different times.

Funny Believe Ridiculous Why Come

I've been watching politics for 35 or 40 years and you just never know. You can have one person win the Iowa caucus and then the whole picture changes ten minutes later. The same thing can happen again after New Hampshire. I have no idea what's going to happen with our country in the future.

Future Politics Win Picture You New

My material is as new as anything on the dinner table. What difference does it make if I'm 70 or if I'm 20? The audience knows they aren't getting any old stories from me.

Me Dinner Table New Dinner Table

I have nothing but love in my heart and everything I say is just an instrument for laughs.

Love Heart Say Nothing Everything

Did you ever hear of a kid playing accountant - even if they wanted to be one?

You Accountant Kid Playing Even Did

I have enough money to last me the rest of my life unless I buy something.

Life Money Me Rest My Life Enough

Eighty percent of married men cheat in America. The rest cheat in Europe.

Men Rest America Europe Cheat

If an Englishman gets run down by a truck he apologizes to the truck.

Truck Down Run He Englishman Gets

I can't predict the future and I don't have respect for people who try to.

Future Respect People Try Predict

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