American - Comedian | November 22, 1921 - October 5, 2004
I had plenty of pimples as a kid. One day I fell asleep in the library. When I woke up, a blind man was reading my face.
Rodney Dangerfield
DayManReadingFaceLibraryBlind
I could tell my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio.
ParentsMeBathToysRadioTell
I worked in a pet store and people would ask how big I would get.
PetPeopleAskBigGetWould
When I was a kid my parents moved a lot, but I always found them.
ParentsKidAlwaysFoundThemMoved
This morning when I put on my underwear I could hear the fruit-of-the-loom guys laughing at me.
MorningMeUnderwearLaughingHear
My marriage is on the rocks again, yeah, my wife just broke up with her boyfriend.
MarriageWifeRocksUpHerJust
I came from a real tough neighborhood. I put my hand in some cement and felt another hand.
ToughHandRealNeighborhoodSome
My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet.
FatherPictureKidWalletWhoHis
I was so ugly my mother used to feed me with a sling shot.
MotherUglyMeUsedFeedShot
Some dog I got too. We call him Egypt. Because in every room he leaves a pyramid.
DogPetEgyptHimRoomCall
My mother had morning sickness after I was born.
MotherMorningSicknessBornAfter
Acting deals with very delicate emotions. It is not putting up a mask. Each time an actor acts he does not hide; he exposes himself.
TimeMaskHideActingEmotionsUp
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