American - Comedian | November 22, 1921 - October 5, 2004
My mother never breast fed me, she told me she only liked me as a friend.
Rodney Dangerfield
FriendMotherMeNeverSheOnly
My wife's jealousy is getting ridiculous. The other day she looked at my calendar and wanted to know who May was.
DayWifeJealousyCalendarKnowShe
My wife and I were happy for 20 years. Then we met.
WifeHappyYearsMetThenWere
My uncle's dying wish - he wanted me on his lap. He was in the electric chair.
MeWishChairUncleDyingHe
One year they asked me to be poster boy - for birth control.
MeControlYearBoyBirthAsked
At twenty a man is full of fight and hope. He wants to reform the world. When he is seventy he still wants to reform the world, but he knows he can't.
HopeManFightWorldSeventyReform
Life is just a bowl of pits.
LifeJustBowlPits
Men who do things without being told draw the most wages.
MenWithoutThingsBeingWagesMost
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