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Jokes Quotes

I would write 100 jokes a day. Most of them were terrible. But I just said, 'I'll write more than everybody else, and that's how I'll get better.'

Anthony Jeselnik

Day Better Said More Write Jokes

There were two things I used to do to seduce girls: jokes and music. Since I'm not a great pianist, jokes were my thing.

Music Great Two Jokes Things Used

Steven Wright can do Steven Wright very well. Not everyone can do Steven Wright's jokes with the same results.

Results Same Everyone Jokes Well

People get really scared when women reclaim words, talk about themselves honestly and also make jokes because it's a really unstoppable combination.

Women Words People Talk Jokes Get

A lot of the jokes had some build-up to some nasty stuff. But most of it was all character situations leading to what the ultimate payoff would be for that character.

Character Jokes Nasty Would Stuff

I like to go out on the golf course and talk, cut up, and tell jokes.

Golf Go Talk Out Jokes Tell

When I was younger, I listened to the greats: Winters, Mel and Carl, Nichols and May, Pryor, Carlin, Klein, Berman and lots of Lenny Bruce albums. But once I started doing fairly well, I didn't want to hear anybody's jokes or premises.

Doing Want Jokes May Started Well

Don't be getting sloppy drunk and telling them dirty jokes.

Drunk Dirty Jokes Telling Them

Growing up, the one thing I noticed was that everyone seemed to laugh at my jokes wherever I went.

Growing Up Laugh Growing Jokes Up

The shouting and opinion and jokes don't exist if there isn't first a story.

Opinion Story First Jokes Shouting

In my early writing, all of my characters were exactly the same person. They all spoke the same, made the same types of jokes, reacted the same, etc. I think they were all just me in disguise.

Me Writing Think Early Person Jokes

My poems... the ones that start out as jokes become these big ponderous things and the ones that start out ponderous devolve into jokes.

Start Become Out Jokes Things Big

When you have a couple hundred people in one huge space, that's gonna lead to jokes and it's a breeding ground for practical jokes and teasing.

Space People You Lead Jokes Ground

I just saw 'Tiny Furniture' and became so obsessed with it that Judd Apatow jokes that I'm the distributor of it. I was making copies and giving them out.

Jennifer Konner

Giving Furniture Out Jokes Saw Just

My whole family is very sarcastic and constantly making jokes.

Emily Deschanel

Family Sarcastic Jokes Whole Making

I've made enough jokes about Iran's leadership that I'm sure if I showed up that I would get a nice escort - to the main prison - and then I could do a show there.

Leadership Prison Enough Nice Jokes

As a comedian, frankly, I don't care that much about bad jokes.

Care Bad Jokes Much Comedian About

One of the first jokes I wrote was this nail salon bit that ended up blowing up on YouTube. That's kind of what propelled me into standup.

Anjelah Johnson

Me Kind YouTube First Jokes Up

My background is part of my comedy. Your experiences are where the jokes come from.

Comedy Jokes Experiences Where Come

I definitely script things out. I definitely write things down and try to write jokes. Often, they're terrible. I often write terrible, terrible jokes.

Michael Ian Black

Down Try Write Out Jokes Things

Pixar make kids' movies, but there are jokes in there for adults, and it never gets too sentimental.

Movies Never Jokes Sentimental Kids

I don't want to be 60 years old standing on stage telling some jokes. I want my life to mean something.

Life My Life Want Mean Stage Jokes

I tend to process stuff by making jokes about it. It's something that makes me annoying to be around in times of real crisis.

Alexandra Petri

Me Process Crisis Real Jokes Stuff

Good jokes are gems. A good idea is hard to come by. I couldn't give them to someone else, even for money. It just wouldn't seem right.

Good Money Someone Hard Right Jokes

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