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Steven Wright Quotes

American - Comedian | December 6, 1955 -

Whenever I think of the past, it brings back so many memories.

Memories Past Think Back I Think

Everywhere is within walking distance if you have the time.

Time Humor Walking You Distance

A lot of people are afraid of heights. Not me, I'm afraid of widths.

Fitness People Me Heights Afraid

What a nice night for an evening.

Night Evening Nice

There's a fine line between fishing and just standing on the shore like an idiot.

Fishing Idiot Line Shore Standing

If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of payments.

Think You Nobody Try Nobody Cares

They say the universe is expanding. That should help with the traffic.

Universe Help Traffic Say They Say

Honestly, I just go to restaurants to eat so I won't die. If there was a pill I could take in January and then I wouldn't have to eat again for the rest of the year, I would take it. Of course, I wouldn't want to sacrifice my chocolate cake and ice cream.

January Sacrifice Cake Rest Year

What's another word for Thesaurus?

Funny Word Thesaurus Another

I was walking down the street wearing glasses when the prescription ran out.

Glasses Walking Down Street Out Ran

I've been thinking of humorous things since I was... I can't remember when. All the way through elementary school, all the way through junior high, all the way through high school, through college and after college, I was thinking of the same kinds of things that I say in front of an audience now.

School College High School Thinking

Someone asked me, if I were stranded on a desert island what book would I bring... 'How to Build a Boat.'

Me Book Desert Boat Someone Build

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