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Steven Wright Quotes

American - Comedian | December 6, 1955 -

I was trying to daydream, but my mind kept wandering.

Mind Trying Wandering Daydream Kept

The Bermuda Triangle got tired of warm weather. It moved to Alaska. Now Santa Claus is missing.

Tired Weather Warm Now Alaska Santa

Do you think that when they asked George Washington for ID that he just whipped out a quarter?

Think You Washington Out Just He

If you were going to shoot a mime, would you use a silencer?

You Shoot Going Would Use Mime

For my birthday I got a humidifier and a de-humidifier... I put them in the same room and let them fight it out.

Birthday Fight Same Out Room Got

If you saw a heat wave, would you wave back?

Wave You Back Heat Saw Would

I paint; I draw and paint - I've been doing that since I was in third grade, drawing realistically and then changing to abstract art. That was my first creative thing before guitar or comedy.

Art Creative Guitar Comedy Drawing

I was always making my friends laugh, but I never wanted the attention of the whole classroom.

Laugh Friends Attention Never Always

I love eating chocolate cake and ice cream after a show. I almost justify it in my mind as, 'You were a good boy onstage and you did your show, so now you can have some cake and ice cream.'

Love Good Cake Mind Eating You

I don't feel that I'm explaining the world or teaching people anything. And I'm not trying to be a mirror, showing them what's really going on the world. All I'm trying to do is think of stuff that's funny, just like when I'm kidding around with my friends.

Funny Mirror People World Think

Last night I stayed up late playing poker with Tarot cards. I got a full house and four people died.

People Night House Late Cards Up

If a word in the dictionary were misspelled, how would we know?

Know Dictionary Would Word How Were

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