American - Comedian | September 17, 1955 -
I want to have children, but my friends scare me. One of my friends told me she was in labor for 36 hours. I don't even want to do anything that feels good for 36 hours.
Rita Rudner
GoodChildrenParentingMeFriends
Whenever I date a guy, I think, 'Is this the man I want my children to spend their weekends with?'
ChildrenManDatingThinkWantGuy
My mother's mother is a very tough cookie. She buried three husbands. Two of them were just napping.
MotherToughThreeSheTwoCookie
On my tombstone it will say: 'I tried everything - nothing was easy.'
EasySayNothingWillEverything
Barbie ruined my life! It's a really bad image for women. For a long time I thought I was deformed - because my heels didn't touch the ground. I was walking around on tiptoes. What's up with that? I think that it's a bad thing for a woman to try to emulate.
LifeWomenTimeWomanThinkThought
If I say a joke and the audience laughs it makes me feel good.
GoodMeFeel GoodFeelSayAudience
I found out I had a real love for comedy and comedy writing. The logic was, there weren't too many female comedians, so I thought I might as well try a field that had fewer competitors than the field I was in, which was acting, singing and dancing.
LoveWritingSingingThoughtComedy
The word 'aerobics' came about when the gym instructors got together and said: If we're going to charge $10 an hour, we can't call it Jumping up and down.
TogetherGymDownSaidUp And Down
I was going to have cosmetic surgery until I noticed that the doctor's office was full of portraits by Picasso.
MedicalDoctorOfficeGoingSurgery
Before I met my husband, I'd never fallen in love. I'd stepped in it a few times.
LoveHusbandNeverBeforeMetFew
Men reach their sexual peak at eighteen. Women reach theirs at thirty-five. Do you get the feeling that God is playing a practical joke?
WomenGodMenReachYouFeeling
My boyfriend and I broke up. He wanted to get married and I didn't want him to.
DatingWantHimUpGetBroke
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