American - Comedian | September 6, 1958 -
Look at where Jesus went to pick people. He didn't go to the colleges; he got guys off the fishing docks.
Jeff Foxworthy
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Little girls love dolls. They just don't love doll clothes. We've got four thousand dolls and ain't one of them got a stitch of clothes on.
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Changing a diaper is a lot like getting a present from your grandmother - you're not sure what you've got but you're pretty sure you're not going to like it.
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You may be a redneck if... you have spent more on your pickup truck than on your education.
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If you ever start feeling like you have the goofiest, craziest, most dysfunctional family in the world, all you have to do is go to a state fair. Because five minutes at the fair, you'll be going, 'you know, we're alright. We are dang near royalty.'
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That's the great thing about a tractor. You can't really hear the phone ring.
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Did you know babies are nauseated by the smell of a clean shirt?
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You know, I remember Career Day in high school. I remember plumbers and lawyers... I don't remember a booth where you could sign up to learn how to shoot chickens out of a cannon at the windshield of an airplane, 'cause there would have been a line at my school to do that!
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My grandma's the most careful, safe driver in the world. You put her in a rental car, and she's doing doughnuts in the K-Mart parking lot!
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You may be a redneck if... your lifetime goal is to own a fireworks stand.
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If your neighbors think you're a detective because a cop always brings you home, you might be a redneck.
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For the first time ever I was taking the family on the road. We stayed with my in-laws, which on life's list of experiences ranks right below sitting in a tub full of scissors.
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