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Jeff Foxworthy Quotes

American - Comedian | September 6, 1958 -

I tried real hard to play golf, and I was so bad at it they would have to check me for ticks at the end of the round because I'd spent about half the day in the woods.

Day Me Woods End Golf Bad

If men have a smell it's usually an accident.

Men Smell Accident

The designated driver program, it's not a desirable job. But if you ever get sucked into doing it, drop them off at the wrong house.

Job Doing You House Wrong Driver

You moon the wrong person at an office party and suddenly you're not 'professional' any more.

Moon You Party Professional Person

I know if mama ain't happy, ain't nobody happy.

Happy Nobody Know Mama

Being a comedian, people tell me stuff they shouldn't tell their therapist.

People Me Tell Being Stuff Comedian

Watching a baby being born is a little like watching a wet St. Bernard coming in through the cat door.

Baby Door Born Watching Cat Wet

If you've ever made change in the offering plate, you might be a redneck.

Change You Redneck Offering Made

I know God is real.

Nothing in life prepares you to be famous.

Life Famous You Nothing Prepares

There's no down time any more.

Time Down More Any

I refuse to this day to do e-mail because everybody I know that does it, it takes another two or three hours a day. I don't want to give two or three more hours away.

Day Know Three Want More Two

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