American - Journalist | February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996
There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.
Erma Bombeck
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Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
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When I stand before God at the end of my life, I would hope that I would not have a single bit of talent left, and could say, 'I used everything you gave me'.
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For years my wedding ring has done its job. It has led me not into temptation. It has reminded my husband numerous times at parties that it's time to go home. It has been a source of relief to a dinner companion. It has been a status symbol in the maternity ward.
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If a man watches three football games in a row, he should be declared legally dead.
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Dreams have only one owner at a time. That's why dreamers are lonely.
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I come from a family where gravy is considered a beverage.
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The only reason I would take up jogging is so that I could hear heavy breathing again.
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Never lend your car to anyone to whom you have given birth.
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I haven't trusted polls since I read that 62% of women had affairs during their lunch hour. I've never met a woman in my life who would give up lunch for sex.
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Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?
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Guilt: the gift that keeps on giving.
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