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Erma Bombeck Quotes

American - Journalist | February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996

Being a child at home alone in the summer is a high-risk occupation. If you call your mother at work thirteen times an hour, she can hurt you.

Work Mother Home Alone Child Hurt

I will buy any creme, cosmetic, or elixir from a woman with a European accent.

Woman Will Buy Accent Any Cosmetic

No one ever died from sleeping in an unmade bed. I have known mothers who remake the bed after their children do it because there is wrinkle in the spread or the blanket is on crooked. This is sick.

Children Sick Bed Sleeping Spread

A friend will tell you she saw your old boyfriend - and he's a priest.

Friend You Will She Old Tell

Humorists can never start to take themselves seriously. It's literary suicide.

Start Suicide Seriously Never Take

Somewhere it is written that parents who are critical of other people's children and publicly admit they can do better are asking for it.

Children Parents People Better Admit

All of us have moments in our lives that test our courage. Taking children into a house with a white carpet is one of them.

Courage Children Moments House White

Some say our national pastime is baseball. Not me. It's gossip.

Baseball Me Gossip Say Our Some

For some of us, watching a miniseries that lasts longer than most marriages is not easy.

Easy Watching Us Marriages Most

I was too old for a paper route, too young for Social Security and too tired for an affair.

Tired Security Young Old Social Too

In general my children refuse to eat anything that hasn't danced in television.

Children Television Eat Anything

Most women put off entertaining until the kids are grown.

Women Entertaining Off Kids Most

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