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Erma Bombeck Quotes

American - Journalist | February 21, 1927 - April 22, 1996

God created man, but I could do better.

God Man Better Created Could

Never order food in excess of your body weight.

Food Body Your Body Never Order

Why would anyone steal a shopping cart? It's like stealing a two-year-old.

Shopping Why Stealing Would Cart

What's with you men? Would hair stop growing on your chest if you asked directions somewhere?

Men Hair You Stop Growing Somewhere

Thanks to my mother, not a single cardboard box has found its way back into society. We receive gifts in boxes from stores that went out of business twenty years ago.

Mother Business Society Back Way

Car designers are just going to have to come up with an automobile that outlasts the payments.

Car Automobile Up Going Come Just

Marriage has no guarantees. If that's what you're looking for, go live with a car battery.

Marriage Live Car Looking You Go

Never go to your high school reunion pregnant or they will think that is all you have done since you graduated.

School Graduation High School Think

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

Design Sometimes Human Out Anatomy

A friend doesn't go on a diet because you are fat.

Friend Fat Diet You Go Because

I was terrible at straight items. When I wrote obituaries, my mother said the only thing I ever got them to do was die in alphabetical order.

Mother Die Said Order Got Terrible

There's something wrong with a mother who washes out a measuring cup with soap and water after she's only measured water in it.

Mother Water Wrong She Out Soap

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