American - Comedian | February 25, 1975 -
Anyone who's married to Mariah Carey - I'm pretty sure - doesn't have a great sense of humor. I mean, let's be honest: she's ridiculous. What is her game plan?
Chelsea Handler
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Some people think Hollywood is shallow. I find that it's home.
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I definitely don't want to have kids. I don't think I'd be a great mother. I don't want to have a kid and have it raised by a nanny. I don't have the time to raise a child.
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There's times where you think, 'Gosh, what if nobody ever wants to hear what I have to say?'
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I cannot be Mary Hart - or even worse, Samantha Harris - and stand there with my hip out talking about Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes taking Suri to an art museum without making fun of it.
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There's only so much you can say about celebrity, obviously.
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I thought I'd become an actress, but then I realized I eat too much.
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Some people have a phobia of midgets. They're, like, scared of them. I have the opposite - I see them, and I want to hold them down, cuddle them, be like, 'Come here, you little nugget. Who's your mommy now?' So cute!
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My position as the best-selling author at E! is secure - unless Salman Rushdie develops a show with them.
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I remember having a conversation with my sister, saying, 'What if I don't make it? What if I'm still waiting tables when I'm 35?' I was just at the end of my rope. But I've been at the end of that rope several times.
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You can act, or you can't. I'm sure a lot of people who are serious about acting would disagree, but I'm not really worried about them.
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I try to make fun of everyone as often as possible, especially minorities.
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