American - Comedian | September 17, 1955 -
It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
Rita Rudner
LifeGreatRestYouFindPerson
I was a vegetarian until I started leaning toward the sunlight.
FunnySunlightVegetarianStarted
I love being married. It's so great to find that one special person you want to annoy for the rest of your life.
LifeLoveMarriageGreatRestYou
To attract men, I wear a perfume called 'New Car Interior.'
CarMenNew CarPerfumeNewWear
I had the worst birthday party ever when I was a child because my parents hired a pony to give rides. And these ponies are never in good health. But this one dropped dead. It just wasn't much fun after that. One kid would sit on him and the rest of us would drag him around.
BirthdayGoodGood HealthHealthFun
I wonder if other dogs think poodles are members of a weird religious cult.
PetThinkWeirdWonderDogsCult
Some people think having large breasts makes a woman stupid. Actually, it's quite the opposite: a woman having large breasts makes men stupid.
MenWomanPeopleStupidThinkSome
I'm a very simple person. I'm very shallow. Shallow, simple, easily pleased: that's me.
SimpleMePersonShallowVery
We've begun to long for the pitter-patter of little feet - so we bought a dog. Well, it's cheaper, and you get more feet.
DogPetFeetLongYouMore
I just love dogs, and there really is no better companion than an animal.
LoveAnimalBetterDogsCompanion
Men are self-confident because they grow up identifying with super-heroes. Women have bad self-images because they grow up identifying with Barbie.
WomenMenGrowBadBarbieGrow Up
I have too many credit cards. You know what happened? Someone stole one and I didn't notice. I noticed when I got that bill. Whoa! It was so much less! I'm letting him keep it. I'm saving money!
MoneySomeoneCreditYouCardsKnow
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