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Jerry Seinfeld Quotes

American - Comedian | April 29, 1954 -

It's amazing that the amount of news that happens in the world every day always just exactly fits the newspaper.

Funny Day Amazing World Every Day

You know you're getting old when you get that one candle on the cake. It's like, 'See if you can blow this out.'

Birthday Candle Cake You Know See

To me, if life boils down to one thing, it's movement. To live is to keep moving.

Life Live Me Moving Down Movement

Sometimes the road less traveled is less traveled for a reason.

Road Traveled Sometimes Reason Less

You have to motivate yourself with challenges. That's how you know you're still alive.

Yourself Challenges You Alive Know

My parents didn't want to move to Florida, but they turned sixty and that's the law.

Parents Law Want Florida Sixty Move

We want to do a lot of stuff; we're not in great shape. We didn't get a good night's sleep. We're a little depressed. Coffee solves all these problems in one delightful little cup.

Good Great Coffee Sleep Night Want

Funny is the world I live in. You're funny, I'm interested. You're not funny, I'm not interested.

Funny Live World You Not Interested

A two-year-old is kind of like having a blender, but you don't have a top for it.

Funny You Kind Top Like Having

Now they show you how detergents take out bloodstains, a pretty violent image there. I think if you've got a T-shirt with a bloodstain all over it, maybe laundry isn't your biggest problem. Maybe you should get rid of the body before you do the wash.

Think Problem You Body Laundry Now

When I was a comic in the 1980s, I was on the road somewhere every day, and I'd get back to the hotel, and it was Carson and Letterman, and I looked forward to that all day.

Day Road Forward Hotel Every Day

I don't want to hear the specials. If they're so special, put 'em on the menu.

Want Special Menu Hear Put

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