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Steven Wright Quotes

American - Comedian | December 6, 1955 -

My theory of evolution is that Darwin was adopted.

Evolution Theory Darwin Adopted

I need one of those baby monitors from my subconscious to my consciousness so I can know what the hell I'm really thinking about.

Baby Thinking Hell I Can Know Need

I feel lucky that I can have people laugh solidly for a whole hour by just saying what I think and getting paid for it.

People Saying Think Feel Laugh Paid

When I'm on stage, it's really intense. My mind is going a million miles an hour, trying to remember my act, trying to say it all the right way. It's funny how different it looks and how it's happening. There are three Fellini circuses in my head, and outwardly it looks like I'm going to get a bagel.

Funny Mind Remember Trying Looks

The things I talk about and explain couldn't happen - yet, they don't seem impossible - you could say I talk about the world in an abstract perspective. But then, the world is basically insane - and it's trying to pass itself off as being a sane place. I show it for what it is.

Perspective World Impossible You Say

I feel very lucky to make a living from my imagination; I'm very grateful for that. I like that what I do is create. I'm feeling very lucky to have had the career I had. It's gone much longer and bigger than I ever thought it would be.

Grateful Imagination Thought Feel

If you had a million Shakespeares, could they write like a monkey?

You Monkey Write Like Million Could

I don't like politicians, and I don't like politics. I definitely don't want to be associated with any of them.

Politics Want Politicians Like Them

I don't get up, get dressed, go out, and think, 'Okay, I gotta find eight jokes.'

Think Find Dressed Go Okay Jokes

I bought some instant water one time but I didn't know what to add to it.

Time Water Know Instant Add Some

I wrote a few children's books... not on purpose.

Children Purpose Books Few Wrote

I have an answering machine in my car. It says, I'm home now. But leave a message and I'll call when I'm out.

Home Car Now Out Leave Call

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