American - Comedian | December 6, 1955 -
I got a chain letter by fax. It's very simple. You just fax a dollar bill to everybody on the list.
Steven Wright
SimpleYouDollarGotJustChain
Why don't they make the whole plane out of that black box stuff.
BlackWhyBoxOutWholeStuff
The other day I... uh, no, that wasn't me.
DayMeOther
I had some eyeglasses. I was walking down the street when suddenly the prescription ran out.
WalkingDownStreetOutSomeHad
Is it weird in here, or is it just me?
MeWeirdHereJust
At one point he decided enough was enough.
EnoughPointHeDecided
I haven't changed at all. I'm the same as when I was 11.
SameChanged
It's very interesting, the joke comes first and then the wording comes within five seconds, maybe ten seconds. My thing is to get the joke across in as few words as possible. However, sometimes a word that's not really needed does help the rhythm of it. It's a gut feeling.
WordsInterestingHelpPossibleJoke
I didn't tell any of my friends that I wanted to be a comedian, because I was superstitious. I thought if I told people, it wouldn't happen. So I kept it all in my head for years and years.
PeopleThoughtFriendsTellHead
Very rarely do I talk off the top of my head on stage. I'm not an improv guy. I'm a writer-guy who presents what he's written.
TalkTopStageHeadImprovGuy
I was born. When I was 23 I started telling jokes. Then I started going on television and doing films. That's still what I am doing. The end.
I AmEndDoingTelevisionBorn
I've been doing comedy longer than I haven't been doing comedy, as I was performing for three years before I even got on 'The Tonight Show.' There's truly nothing like it; it's intense and exhilarating, even though it looks so casual.
ComedyDoingLooksThreeNothing
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