American - Comedian | June 8, 1933 - September 4, 2014
Thank God we're living in a country where the sky's the limit, the stores are open late and you can shop in bed thanks to television.
Joan Rivers
GodThankfulSkyThank GodYouLate
My routines come out of total unhappiness. My audiences are my group therapy.
TherapyGroupOutComeUnhappiness
I think I'm in a business where you have to look good, and it's totally youth-oriented.
GoodBusinessThinkYouLookWhere
I was smart enough to go through any door that opened.
SmartDoorEnoughGoThroughAny
I just love acting.
LoveActingJust
I have a wonderful psychiatrist that I see maybe once a year, because I don't need it. It all comes out onstage.
YearNeedSeeOutI SeeWonderful
The worst thing that ever happened to me on stage is someone ran forward to tell me they loved me and projectile vomited all over the stage. It was horrible.
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I was a Brownie Scout mother.
MotherScout
I don't think there'd be a Tina Fey now if I hadn't tried to look good in the beginning.
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The thing is, I'm happiest when I'm on stage.
StageHappiestThing
Put me up against Sarah Silverman and I could take her.
MeUpTakeHerAgainstCould
I think any celebrity that adopts a child from a third world country is a fool.
FoolChildWorldThinkCountryAny
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