American - Comedian | June 8, 1933 - September 4, 2014
My obstetrician was so dumb that when I gave birth he forgot to cut the cord. For a year that kid followed me everywhere. It was like having a dog on a leash.
Joan Rivers
DogMeYearDumbBirthKid
I don't excercise. If God had wanted me to bend over, he would have put diamonds on the floor.
GodMeDiamondsBendOverFloor
I hate reality shows that are not reality.
HateRealityReality ShowsShows
I lived to be on stage, and I'm terrified. Terrified before every show.
StageLivedShowBeforeEvery
I am for anyone that will give me lower taxes, stop all this stupid spending. Whoever promises me that gets this chicken's vote.
I AmMeStupidPromisesStopVote
I live very well, but I support a lot of relatives.
LiveSupportRelativesWellVery
Fat jokes aren't relevant, but they're hilarious when you find them.
FatYouFindJokesRelevantThem
It's been so long since I've had sex I've forgotten who ties up whom.
LongSexUpForgottenBeenWhom
I've never thought of it consciously... I say exactly what I think, and very often it's totally politically incorrect. I get, always, chastised for it. So it's not shtick. But I think I'm the one who says, 'The emperor has no clothes.'
ThinkThoughtClothesSayNeverGet
Before we make love my husband takes a pain killer.
LovePainHusbandMakeBeforeTakes
Boy George is all England needs - another queen who can't dress.
QueenDressBoyWhoEnglandNeeds
She doesn't understand the concept of Roman numerals. She thought we just fought in world war eleven.
WarWorldThoughtUnderstandShe
Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict Joan Rivers quotes