American - Comedian | October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977
Outside of a dog, a book is a man's best friend. Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.
Groucho Marx
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A child of five would understand this. Send someone to fetch a child of five.
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The secret of life is honesty and fair dealing. If you can fake that, you've got it made.
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Man does not control his own fate. The women in his life do that for him.
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Quote me as saying I was mis-quoted.
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A black cat crossing your path signifies that the animal is going somewhere.
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A woman is an occasional pleasure but a cigar is always a smoke.
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Behind every successful man is a woman, behind her is his wife.
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A hospital bed is a parked taxi with the meter running.
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I have had a perfectly wonderful evening, but this wasn't it.
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Getting older is no problem. You just have to live long enough.
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Politics is the art of looking for trouble, finding it everywhere, diagnosing it incorrectly and applying the wrong remedies.
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