American - Comedian | October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977
My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one.
Groucho Marx
MotherChildrenLovedSheAnything
Why should I care about posterity? What's posterity ever done for me?
MeCareDoneWhyPosterityShould
Why, I'd horse-whip you if I had a horse.
HorseYouWhyHad
Military justice is to justice what military music is to music.
MusicJusticeMilitary
Why a four-year-old child could understand this report. Run out and find me a four-year-old child. I can't make head nor tail out of it.
ChildMeFindRunWhyUnderstand
Military intelligence is a contradiction in terms.
IntelligenceMilitaryContradiction
Wives are people who feel they don't dance enough.
DancePeopleFeelEnoughWhoWives
Go, and never darken my towels again.
GoNeverAgainTowels
Practically everybody in New York has half a mind to write a book, and does.
New YorkMindBookNewWriteHalf
From the moment I picked your book up until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter. Someday I intend reading it.
MomentLaughterBookReadingDown
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