American - Comedian | October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977
I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract.
Groucho Marx
WishI WishContractAshesOur
I won't belong to any organization that would have me as a member.
MeOrganizationBelongWouldMember
I find television very educating. Every time somebody turns on the set, I go into the other room and read a book.
TimeBookTelevisionFindGoRoom
I didn't like the play, but then I saw it under adverse conditions - the curtain was up.
PlayUpSawLikeCurtainThen
Women should be obscene and not heard.
WomenShouldHeardObscene
I've got the brain of a four year old. I'll bet he was glad to be rid of it.
BrainYearOldGotFourHe
I'm not feeling very well - I need a doctor immediately. Ring the nearest golf course.
MedicalDoctorGolfFeelingRing
If I held you any closer I would be on the other side of you.
YouSideWouldCloserOtherAny
It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy.
RelationshipCityUnhappyKansas
I don't care to belong to a club that accepts people like me as members.
PeopleMeCareClubBelongLike
A man's only as old as the woman he feels.
WomanManOldOnlyHeFeels
If you've heard this story before, don't stop me, because I'd like to hear it again.
MeStoryYouStopBecauseAgain
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