Groucho Marx Quotes

American - Comedian | October 2, 1890 - August 19, 1977

I, not events, have the power to make me happy or unhappy today. I can choose which it shall be. Yesterday is dead, tomorrow hasn't arrived yet. I have just one day, today, and I'm going to be happy in it.

Groucho Marx

HappinessTodayPowerDayTomorrow

No man goes before his time - unless the boss leaves early.

Groucho Marx

TimeManBossEarlyBeforeGoes

All people are born alike - except Republicans and Democrats.

Groucho Marx

PoliticsPeopleBornDemocratsAlike

One morning I shot an elephant in my pajamas. How he got into my pajamas I'll never know.

Groucho Marx

MorningElephantKnowNeverPajamas

I refuse to join any club that would have me as a member.

Groucho Marx

FunnyMeClubWouldJoinRefuse

Marriage is a wonderful institution, but who wants to live in an institution?

Groucho Marx

MarriageLiveWonderfulInstitution

I must say I find television very educational. The minute somebody turns it on, I go to the library and read a good book.

Groucho Marx

GoodBookLibraryTelevisionFind

She got her looks from her father. He's a plastic surgeon.

Groucho Marx

BeautyFatherLooksShePlasticHer

I've had a perfectly wonderful evening. But this wasn't it.

Groucho Marx

EveningWonderfulHadPerfectly

Humor is reason gone mad.

Groucho Marx

HumorMadReasonGone

Anyone who says he can see through women is missing a lot.

Groucho Marx

FunnyWomenSeeThroughMissingWho

I read in the newspapers they are going to have 30 minutes of intellectual stuff on television every Monday from 7:30 to 8. to educate America. They couldn't educate America if they started at 6:30.

Groucho Marx

MondayAmericaTelevisionGoingRead

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