American - Comedian | May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Death is caused by swallowing small amounts of saliva over a long period of time.
George Carlin
TimeDeathSmallLongOverPeriod
I would never want to be a member of a group whose symbol was a guy nailed to two pieces of wood.
WantWoodGroupNeverTwoPieces
The main reason Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live.
LiveBadChristmasReasonSantaHe
If you can't beat them, arrange to have them beaten.
YouBeatBeatenThemArrange
Atheism is a non-prophet organization.
OrganizationAtheism
Dusting is a good example of the futility of trying to put things right. As soon as you dust, the fact of your next dusting has already been established.
GoodTryingYouGood ExampleRight
If it's true that our species is alone in the universe, then I'd have to say the universe aimed rather low and settled for very little.
AloneUniverseSayTrueLittleLow
Well, if crime fighters fight crime and fire fighters fight fire, what do freedom fighters fight? They never mention that part to us, do they?
FreedomFireFightCrimeNeverWell
I have as much authority as the Pope, I just don't have as many people who believe it.
PeopleBelieveAuthorityJustPope
I think it would be interesting if old people got anti-Alzheimer's disease where they slowly began to recover other people's lost memories.
MemoriesPeopleThinkInteresting
Think off-center.
Think
I'm not concerned about all hell breaking loose, but that a PART of hell will break loose... it'll be much harder to detect.
HellWillBreakLooseConcerned
Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict George Carlin quotes