American - Comedian | May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
Religion is just mind control.
George Carlin
ReligionMindControlJust
You know an odd feeling? Sitting on the toilet eating a chocolate candy bar.
EatingChocolateYouFeelingKnow
When you step on the brakes your life is in your foot's hands.
LifeStepHandsYouFootYour
The other night I ate at a real nice family restaurant. Every table had an argument going.
FamilyNightRestaurantTableNice
I'm completely in favor of the separation of Church and State. My idea is that these two institutions screw us up enough on their own, so both of them together is certain death.
TogetherDeathChurchEnoughUpOwn
The status quo sucks.
Status QuoStatusSucksQuo
You know the good part about all those executions in Texas? Fewer Texans.
GoodTexasYouKnowPartThose
What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?
TravelYouMeanGetBeforeDoes
In comic strips, the person on the left always speaks first.
FunnyPersonFirstAlwaysLeft
Not only do I not know what's going on, I wouldn't know what to do about it if I did.
KnowGoingOnlyDidAbout
I'm always relieved when someone is delivering a eulogy and I realize I'm listening to it.
ListeningSomeoneRealizeAlways
When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?
DaySomeoneYouWonderAlwaysGot
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