American - Comedian | May 12, 1937 - June 22, 2008
At a formal dinner party, the person nearest death should always be seated closest to the bathroom.
George Carlin
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Standing ovations have become far too commonplace. What we need are ovations where the audience members all punch and kick one another.
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If we could just find out who's in charge, we could kill him.
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I recently went to a new doctor and noticed he was located in something called the Professional Building. I felt better right away.
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I think people should be allowed to do anything they want. We haven't tried that for a while. Maybe this time it'll work.
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