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Dave Barry Quotes

American - Journalist | July 3, 1947 -

The problem with winter sports is that - follow me closely here - they generally take place in winter.

Winter Sports Me Problem Place Here

Guys are simple... women are not simple and they always assume that men must be just as complicated as they are, only way more mysterious. The whole point is guys are not thinking much. They are just what they appear to be. Tragically.

Women Men Simple Thinking Way More

Never under any circumstances take a sleeping pill and a laxative on the same night.

Night Circumstances Sleeping Never

Camping is nature's way of promoting the motel business.

Nature Business Way Camping Motel

It is a well-documented fact that guys will not ask for directions. This is a biological thing. This is why it takes several million sperm cells... to locate a female egg, despite the fact that the egg is, relative to them, the size of Wisconsin.

Egg Why Will Ask Size Cells

To an adolescent, there is nothing in the world more embarrassing than a parent.

Teen World Parent Nothing More Than

We operate under a jury system in this country, and as much as we complain about it, we have to admit that we know of no better system, except possibly flipping a coin.

Better Country Admit Know Coin Jury

In 1765, Parliament passed the Stamp Act, which, as any American high school student can tell you, was an act that apparently had something to do with stamps.

School High School American You High

The information encoded in your DNA determines your unique biological characteristics, such as sex, eye color, age and Social Security number.

Age Eye Color Information Security

Magnetism, as you recall from physics class, is a powerful force that causes certain items to be attracted to refrigerators.

You Physics Powerful Class Force

We'll try to cooperate fully with the IRS, because, as citizens, we feel a strong patriotic duty not to go to jail.

Patriotism Strong Feel Go Jail Duty

It was Public Art, defined as art that is purchased by experts who are not spending their own personal money.

Art Money Personal Own Who Public

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