American - Comedian | January 29, 1880 - December 25, 1946
A woman drove me to drink and I didn't even have the decency to thank her.
W. C. Fields
WomanMeDrinkHerDecencyEven
I'd like to see Paris before I die... Philadelphia will do.
DieParisPhiladelphiaWillSee
Ah, the patter of little feet around the house. There's nothing like having a midget for a butler.
FeetHouseNothingLittleLikeAh
Never give a sucker an even break.
NeverBreakGiveEvenSucker
Women are like elephants. I like to look at 'em, but I wouldn't want to own one.
WomenLookWantOwnWomen AreLike
I always keep a supply of stimulant handy in case I see a snake, which I also keep handy.
SnakeAlwaysSeeI SeeKeepSupply
Here lies W. C. Fields. I would rather be living in Philadelphia.
PhiladelphiaLivingFieldsHereLies
On the whole, I'd rather be in Philidelphia.
WholeRather
I never worry about being driven to drink; I just worry about being driven home.
New Year'sHomeWorryDrinkNever
I like children - fried.
FunnyChildrenLikeFried
Reminds me of my safari in Africa. Somebody forgot the corkscrew and for several days we had to live on nothing but food and water.
LiveWaterFoodTravelMeNothing
The best cure for insomnia is to get a lot of sleep.
BestSleepInsomniaGetCureLot
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