American - Comedian | January 29, 1880 - December 25, 1946
Never try to impress a woman, because if you do she'll expect you to keep up the standard for the rest of your life.
W. C. Fields
LifeWomanRestYouNeverImpress
The laziest man I ever met put popcorn in his pancakes so they would turn over by themselves.
ManPopcornOverTurnWouldMet
I was in love with a beautiful blonde once. She drove me to drink. That's the one thing I'm indebted to her for.
LoveBeautifulMeBlondeDrinkShe
Set up another case bartender! The best thing for a case of nerves is a case of Scotch.
BestBartenderUpScotchSetThing
It's morally wrong to allow a sucker to keep his money.
MoneyWrongKeepAllowSuckerHis
The world is getting to be such a dangerous place, a man is lucky to get out of it alive.
ManWorldPlaceDangerousAliveOut
Sleep - the most beautiful experience in life - except drink.
LifeBeautifulExperienceSleepMost
Never cry over spilt milk, because it may have been poisoned.
CryMilkNeverOverMayBeen
I never vote for anyone. I always vote against.
VoteNeverAlwaysAgainstAnyone
If at first you don't succeed, try, try again. Then quit. There's no point in being a damn fool about it.
SuccessFoolSucceedYouQuitDamn
There comes a time in the affairs of man when he must take the bull by the tail and face the situation.
TimeManFaceSituationBullTake
I am free of all prejudices. I hate everyone equally.
HateI AmEqualityFreeEveryoneAm
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