American - Comedian | October 23, 1925 - January 23, 2005
I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.
Johnny Carson
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Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.
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Talent alone won't make you a success. Neither will being in the right place at the right time, unless you are ready. The most important question is: 'Are your ready?'
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Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.
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Never continue in a job you don't enjoy. If you're happy in what you're doing, you'll like yourself, you'll have inner peace. And if you have that, along with physical health, you will have had more success than you could possibly have imagined.
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To be an entertainer, you gotta be a little gutsy, a little egotistical, so you have to pull back sometimes when people say, 'Well, he's stuck-up.' 'Stuck-up' is only another word for self-conscious.
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My success just evolved from working hard at the business at hand each day.
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Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.
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I was so naive as a kid I used to sneak behind the barn and do nothing.
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Happiness is your dentist telling you it won't hurt and then having him catch his hand in the drill.
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People will pay more to be entertained than educated.
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New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.
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