When someone hands you a flyer, it's like they're saying here you throw this away.
Mitch Hedberg
SayingSomeoneHandsYouAwayHere
Wearing a turtleneck is like being strangled by a really weak guy, all day. Wearing a backpack and a turtleneck is like a weak midget trying to bring you down.
DayTryingYouDownWeakBring
It became clear to me by 1984 that Microsoft was likely going to be the big winner in the PC software apps and operating system category, partly because of the dynamics of owning and controlling the operating system: that gave you enormous power, and I came to see Bill Gates was fierce competitor.
Mitch Kapor
PowerMeFierceWinnerYouSee
It's very dangerous to wave to people you don't know because what if they don't have hands? They'll think you're cocky.
PeopleThinkWaveHandsYouKnow
I was at this casino minding my own business, and this guy came up to me and said, 'You're gonna have to move, you're blocking a fire exit.' As though if there was a fire, I wasn't gonna run. If you're flammible and have legs, you are never blocking a fire exit.
BusinessFireMeYouSaidRun
The more you eliminate the inefficient use of information, the better it is for productivity.
BetterYouInformationMoreUse
The kind of products you envision as an entrepreneur is a function of your life experience.
LifeExperienceYouEntrepreneur
Political corruption is endemic all over this country, in some places worse than others, right? On crime, you have all the major American cities where the crime rates at different points in their histories, have spiked dramatically.
Mitch Landrieu
AmericanPoliticalCorruptionYou
What is design? It's where you stand with a foot in two worlds - the world of technology and the world of people and human purposes - and you try to bring the two together.
TechnologyTogetherPeopleWorldYou
You can't hide behind race any more. You can't hide behind class structure any more. You can't hide behind family. You need to produce.
FamilyYouHideClassRaceNeed
Race in America is not a problem you can go over, or around or under. You've got to go through it.
AmericaProblemYouGoRaceOver
It's weird... people say they're not like apes. Now how do you explain football then?
FootballPeopleWeirdYouNowSay
I like refried beans. That's why I wanna try fried beans, because maybe they're just as good and we're just wasting time. You don't have to fry them again after all.
GoodTimeYouWhyTryWasting Time
Startups, in some sense, have gotten so easy to start that we are confusing two things. And what we are confusing, often, is, 'How far can you get in your first day of travel?' with, 'How long it is going to take to get up to the top of the mountain?'
DayTravelMountainStartLongYou
If you go back to the '50s and '60s... there was zero tech in S.F. It was all in the Valley... and it crept northward in early 2000s.
YouBackEarlyGoValleyZero
I would imagine that if you could understand Morse code, a tap dancer would drive you crazy.
CrazyDriveYouUnderstandImagine
Free-to-play isn't a business model. Free-to-play is a marketing strategy. It's a way to get people over the hump of trying out your game. It gets rid of the friction that happens when you charge an upfront fee.
Mitch Lasky
BusinessPeopleGameStrategyYou
My kids download 10 games. They play them all for two minutes. They throw away the eight they don't like. Then they play those last two obsessively for a month. That's alien to those of us who buy a $60 game and play it for 40 or 50 hours. The discovery mechanism is completely social, and I don't think you get that genie back in the bottle.
GameThinkYouDiscoveryAlienPlay
You know when they have a fishing show on TV? They catch the fish and then let it go. They don't want to eat the fish, they just want to make it late for something.
FishingFishYouLateKnowWant
I like to hold the microphone cord like this, I pinch it together, then I let it go, then you hear a whole bunch of jokes at once.
TogetherYouGoJokesHoldWhole
If you're not a nice person, don't call.
Mitch Leigh
YouPersonNiceNice PersonCall
Y'know, you can't please all the people all the time... and last night, all those people were at my show.
TimePeopleNightYouLast Night
Everyone has a subconscious and automatic preference of this over that. Once you're aware of that, you can take steps to change.
ChangeYouOverEveryoneStepsTake
If you look at the history of other movements, whether Civil Rights or environmental rights, these are all decades-long undertakings.
HistoryEnvironmentalYouLookCivil
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