British - Comedian | March 19, 1921 - April 15, 1984
I went window shopping today! I bought four windows.
Tommy Cooper
FunnyTodayWindowShoppingWindows
You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine.'
TodayMeDrivingYouKnowSaid
Police arrested two kids yesterday, one was drinking battery acid, the other was eating fireworks. They charged one and let the other one off.
PoliceEatingYesterdayFireworks
A woman tells her doctor, 'I've got a bad back.' The doctor says, 'It's old age.' The woman says, 'I want a second opinion.' The doctor says: 'Okay - you're ugly as well.'
AgeWomanOld AgeUglyOpinionYou
I used to be indecisive but now I am not quite sure.
I AmNowUsedSureQuiteAm
I went into a French restaraunt and asked the waiter, 'Have you got frog's legs?' He said, 'Yes,' so I said, 'Well hop into the kitchen and get me a cheese sandwich.'
MeKitchenYouCheeseSaidLegs
A blind bloke walks into a shop with a guide dog. He picks the Dog up and starts swinging it around his head. Alarmed, a shop assistant calls out: 'Can I help, sir?' 'No thanks,' says the blind bloke. 'Just looking.'
DogLookingBlindHelpOutHead
Last night I dreamt I ate a ten pound marshmallow. When I woke up the pillow was gone.
NightPillowUpGoneWokeLast
Well, my wife and I were married in a toilet - it was a marriage of convenience!
MarriageWifeToiletConvenience
So he said 'I'm going to chop off the bottom of one of your trouser legs and put it in a library.' I thought 'That's a turn-up for the books.'
LibraryThoughtSaidLegsGoingOff
Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict Tommy Cooper quotes