American - Comedian | July 17, 1917 - August 20, 2012
A smile is a curve that sets everything straight.
Phyllis Diller
SmileEverythingCurveStraightSets
Aim high, and you won't shoot your foot off.
YouAimAim HighHighShootFoot
Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?
FunnyChanceYouWhyTake A Chance
The reason women don't play football is because 11 of them would never wear the same outfit in public.
WomenFootballOutfitPlayNever
My own laugh is the real thing and I've had it all my life.
LifeLaughMy LifeMy OwnRealOwn
There's so little money in my bank account, my scenic checks show a ghetto.
MoneyGhettoBankLittleShow
The only time I ever enjoyed ironing was the day I accidentally got gin in the steam iron.
FunnyTimeDayIronGotSteam
I wanted to become me, totally me. The more me, the better. I instinctively knew this and I was right.
MeBetterBecomeMoreRightKnew
I want my children to have all the things I couldn't afford. Then I want to move in with them.
FunnyChildrenWantThingsMove
You know you're old when someone compliments you on your alligator shoes, and you're barefoot.
ShoesSomeoneYouKnowCompliments
My recipe for dealing with anger and frustration: set the kitchen timer for twenty minutes, cry, rant, and rave, and at the sound of the bell, simmer down and go about business as usual.
BusinessAngerKitchenFrustration
Whatever you may look like, marry a man your own age - as your beauty fades, so will his eyesight.
BeautyAgeManYouLookWill
Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict Phyllis Diller quotes