American - Comedian | July 6, 1927 - April 24, 1997
All the problems we face in the United States today can be traced to an unenlightened immigration policy on the part of the American Indian.
Pat Paulsen
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You can fool some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can only make a monkey out of the voters every four years!
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Now that my wine has been served in the White House, why not me? Who could talk to farmers better than I? Somebody even asked me the other day if I had anything in my platform about taxes. 'Hell yes,' I said. 'Great state. But I wouldn't want to live there.'
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In America, any boy can grow up to become president. Or, if he never grows up, vice president.
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It's tough campaigning, kissing hands and shaking babies.
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The No. 1 cause of forest fires is trees.
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We've got to step up our conservation efforts before it's too late. We're not protecting our lands and natural resources. Take the Grand Canyon for example; I'm sure that at one time it was a beautiful piece of land, and just look at the way we've let it go.
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Having a comic in the White House will assure stability in foreign relations. The world will continue to respond to foreign initiatives by saying, 'You must be joking.'
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So I got into growing grapes, not realizing that there was a heck of a lot more to it than meets the eye.
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We must remember that as the centuries go by, time will pass.
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The federal government spends millions to run the Postal Service. I could lose your mail for half of that.
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If elected, I will win.
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