Lisa Lampanelli Quotes

American - Comedian | July 19, 1961 -

People with HIV and AIDS are nothing to be afraid of. They are people just like every single one of us, and each has a story to tell. These people should be helped, embraced, and not dismissed. We need to open our hearts and our minds to them, and we just may learn we're pretty much all the same.

Lisa Lampanelli

PeopleStoryLearnNothingNeed

I keep getting asked out by really young, good looking boys and really ugly lesbians. So, even if I wanted to jump onto the tuna boat, I wouldn't because I'm not getting high-class babes that I should get at this level of my career. And I always know the ugly ones are serious and that the good-looking ones are goofing on me.

Lisa Lampanelli

GoodUglyMeLookingBoatCareer

Betty White is so old that on her first game show ever, the prize was fire.

Lisa Lampanelli

FireGameWhiteOldFirstHer

When I say I'm going gangster, I'm working really hard at something.

Lisa Lampanelli

GangsterSayHardSomethingGoing

It used to be that in media, Johnny Carson used to be the most important person when he would invite you over to sit on the couch after your comedy skit. Now it's whatever Howard Stern says goes.

Lisa Lampanelli

ComedyMediaYouPersonImportant

I don't like any of it. I'm sick and tired of menopause.

Lisa Lampanelli

TiredSickMenopauseSick And Tired

I don't sell myself. I've never explained my comedy to people who don't get it. Never complain. Never explain.

Lisa Lampanelli

MyselfPeopleComedyNeverComplain

My thing has always been, I've never been very open and vulnerable with people, so the minute I got this dog, everything changed. It just opened me up and made me more loving... It's all because of him... He's made me a better person... I can tell people what I feel now. I can cry in front of people sometimes.

Lisa Lampanelli

DogPeopleMeBetter PersonBetter

The dog lasted. The marriage didn't. So it shows which relationship was meant to be.

Lisa Lampanelli

DogMarriageRelationshipMeant To Be

If they hate you, they hate you, but I've always been polarizing, and I love that.

Lisa Lampanelli

LoveHateYouAlwaysBeenI Love

That's the whole thing: You only roast the ones you love. That's why I never make fun of the French.

Lisa Lampanelli

LoveFunYouWhyNeverWhole

Basically, I think some of the weight helped take some of the walls down in reality, so basically I got a little more confident. I'm definitely not super confident, but I am confident that I don't have to hide behind those layers of fat and that I can actually open up to people a little more.

Lisa Lampanelli

WallsI AmPeopleThinkRealityFat

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