American - Comedian | February 28, 1955 -
Unfortunately, I've never been mistaken as Johnny Depp.
Gilbert Gottfried
NeverBeenUnfortunatelyMistaken
If the police ever try to pick me up, Michael Jackson told me I can hide out at his house.
PoliceMeHouseHideI CanTry
I predict one of these two teams will win the Super Bowl.
WinSuper BowlWillPredictTwo
In real life I'm a tall, blond Christian.
LifeChristianTallRealReal Life
One thing I can take credit for, along with the rest of show business, is when the red ribbons were out, we cured AIDS. Any advancements that came towards fighting AIDS were not done by scientists or doctors - it was people with little ribbons on their lapels.
BusinessRedPeopleRestFighting
I don't know if I change my act from century to century. Sometimes I'm onstage doing imitations and references to people who have been dead for 50 years.
ChangePeopleDoingKnowSometimes
There definitely is exposure in reality shows, but the exposure will basically get you more reality shows.
RealityYouWillMoreGetExposure
I would show up at a party for Al Qaeda if you said there's going to be a dinner.
DinnerYouPartySaidUpGoing
I'd make Jack Benny look like a philanthropist.
LookMakeLikeJackPhilanthropist
I was the class podiatrist. I never made it to class clown. I wasn't funny enough. I would examine feet and prescribe and ointment. It was a sad childhood.
FunnySadChildhoodFeetEnough
I'm used to explaining to people why my jokes were funny.
FunnyPeopleWhyJokesUsedWere
A lot of people who claim they're political comedians are just comedians who have opinions. But they stop being funny the minute they give their opinions.
FunnyPeoplePoliticalOpinionsStop
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