American - Comedian | May 31, 1894 - March 17, 1956
Television is a medium because anything well done is rare.
Fred Allen
TechnologyWell DoneTelevisionDone
A conference is a gathering of people who singly can do nothing, but together can decide that nothing can be done.
TogetherPeopleDoneNothingDecide
I play a musical instrument a little, but only for my own amazement.
AmazingPlayMy OwnLittleOwnOnly
A celebrity is a person who works hard all of their life to become well known, and then wears dark glasses to avoid being recognized.
LifeGlassesFamousDarkPerson
I'd rather have a full bottle in front of me than a full frontal lobotomy.
MeBottleRatherThanFullFront
Committee - a group of men who individually can do nothing but as a group decide that nothing can be done.
MenDoneGroupNothingCommittee
You can take all the sincerity in Hollywood, place it in the navel of a fruit fly and still have room enough for three caraway seeds and a producer's heart.
HeartSeedsFruitFlyEnoughYou
I like long walks, especially when they are taken by people who annoy me.
FunnyPeopleMeLongLikeWalks
Most of us spend the first six days of each week sowing wild oats; then we go to church on Sunday and pray for a crop failure.
FailureChurchWeekSundayGoWild
I learned law so well, the day I graduated I sued the college, won the case, and got my tuition back.
DayCollegeLawGraduationBackGot
A committee is a group of the unprepared, appointed by the unwilling to do the unnecessary.
GroupCommitteeUnnecessaryUnwilling
Some movie stars wear their sunglasses even in church. They're afraid God might recognize them and ask for autographs.
FearStarsGodSunglassesChurch
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