American - Comedian | January 20, 1956 -
The Bible looks like it started out as a game of Mad Libs.
Bill Maher
GameBibleMadLooksOutStarted
Jim Bakker spells his name with two k's because three would be too obvious.
NameThreeTwoObviousBecauseHis
Iraq now says that it will, after all, destroy its missiles. President Bush said, 'Please, I used to pull the same trick. There'd be an intervention, I'd make a big show of pouring out the liquor and then there was a case under the floorboards.'
SaidNowWillPresidentOutBig
The country has become much more conservative, partly because it's been taken over by the religious right.
CountryBecomeConservativeRight
Let's make a law that gay people can have birthdays, but straight people get more cake - you know, to send the right message to kids.
CakePeopleLawYouGayKnow
The jury could get the case as early as next week, but the defense says they just want to introduce one last-minute load of crap.
WeekEarlyWantNextJuryDefense
We have been the cowards lobbing cruise missiles from 2,000 miles away. That's cowardly. Staying in the airplane when it hits the building, say what you want about it, it's not cowardly.
BuildingAirplaneYouSayWantBeen
I do think the patriotic thing to do is to critique my country. How else do you make a country better but by pointing out its flaws?
PatriotismThinkBetterYouFlaws
Kids. They're not easy. But there has to be some penalty for sex.
EasySexKidsSomePenalty
I don't want my president to be a TV star. You don't have to be on television every minute of every day - you're the president, not a rerun of 'Law & Order'. TV stars are too worried bout being popular and too concerned about being renewed.
StarsDayLawYouEvery DayWant
Clinton left the White House with all the class of an XFL halftime show.
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This has been a learning experience for me. I also thought that privacy was something we were granted in the Constitution. I have learned from this when in fact the word privacy does not appear in the Constitution.
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