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Les Dawson Quotes

English - Comedian | February 2, 1931 - June 10, 1993

My mother-in-law has so many wrinkles, when she smiles she looks like a Venetian blind.

Wrinkles Blind Looks Mother-In-Law

I'm not saying my mother didn't like me, but she kept looking for loopholes in my birth certificate.

Mother Me Looking Saying Birth She

The wife's run off with the bloke next door. I do miss him.

Wife Door Run Him Next Miss

Take my wife... please. I'm not saying she's ugly, but when she went to see a horror film, the audience thought she was making a personal appearance.

Wife Ugly Saying Thought Appearance

My lad chewed and swallowed a dictionary. We gave him Epsom salts - but we can't get a word out of him.

Him Out Dictionary Get Word Gave

I discovered the wife's got asthma. Thank God - I thought she was hissing at me.

God Wife Me Thank God Thought She

I don't mind what the critics say, so long as I get some reaction. The worst thing is to be ignored.

Mind Long Say Worst Reaction Get

You do something you're really quite proud of, and the public doesn't like it. Then you do something that perhaps you're not at all happy with and the public loves it. And that's the moment of truth, because it's the audience that's the final judge.

Truth Moment Happy Proud Judge You

I'm the most unromantic lump of Northern suet. Yes, a woman did accost me once in South Shields, but she had a face like Red Rum.

Woman Red Me Face She Yes

I know my name will always be linked with women.

Women Name Know Will Always Linked

With wives, men hide behind the air of bravado, which is basically a defence mechanism, I think. Clever creatures, women. Very clever.

Women Men Think Hide Clever Air

Slumps don't bother me.

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