Home
Topics
Authors
:
A
B
C
D
E
F
G
H
I
J
K
L
M
N
O
P
Q
R
S
T
U
V
W
X
Y
Z

Les Dawson Quotes

English - Comedian | February 2, 1931 - June 10, 1993

In awe, I watched the waxing moon ride across the zenith of the heavens like an ambered chariot towards the ebony void of infinite space wherein the tethered belts of Jupiter and Mars hang, for ever festooned in their orbital majesty. And as I looked at all this I thought... I must put a roof on this toilet.

Ride Space Moon Thought Infinite

The mother-in-law is the centre of a family.

Family Mother-In-Law Centre

I took my mother-in-law to Madame Tussaud's Chamber of Horrors, and one of the attendants said: 'Keep her moving sir; we're stock-taking.'

Moving Mother-In-Law Said Her Keep

My mother-in-law fell down a wishing well. I was amazed; I never knew they worked.

Down Mother-In-Law Never Well Knew

The way prices are rising, the good old days are last week.

Good Good Old Days Week Way Rising

Mind you, I've always been musical... Mother used to sit me on her knee and I'd whisper, 'Mummy, Mummy, sing me a lullaby do,' and she'd say: 'Certainly my angel, my wee bundle of happiness, hold my beer while I fetch me banjo.'

Mother Happiness Beer Mind Me Angel

My mother-in-law has come round to our house at Christmas seven years running. This year we're having a change. We're going to let her in.

Change Year House Mother-In-Law Her

The mother-in-law came round last week. It was absolutely pouring down. So I opened the door and I saw her there and I said, 'Mother, don't just stand there in the rain. Go home.'

Mother Home Rain Door Stand Week

I've got a friend who is a lion tamer. He used to be a school teacher till he lost his nerve.

Friend Teacher Lion School Lost Got

I'm often accused of saying some pretty rotten things about my mother-in-law. But quite honestly, she's only got one major fault - it's called breathing.

Saying Mother-In-Law She Breathing

The mother-in-law had an accident at work. A hot rivet dropped down her drawers and she fell off the oil rig.

Work Down Mother-In-Law Oil Hot She

When I was a child, I had wax in my ears. Dad didn't take me to the doctor, he used me as a night light.

Light Child Me Doctor Night Take

12 3 4 Next page Last

Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict Les Dawson quotes