American - Comedian | August 11, 1967 -
The only time I commit to conspiracy theories is when something way retarded happens. Like Lee Harvey Oswald acting alone.
Joe Rogan
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That's my only goal. Surround myself with funny people, and make sure everyone has a good time and works hard.
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Never stay in a bad marriage, and don't hang around with psycho coke fiends.
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When you snatch little pieces of other people's lives and try to palm them off as your own, that's more disgusting than anything. Robin Williams is a huge thief. Denis Leary is a huge thief. His whole stand-up career is based on Bill Hicks, a brilliant guy who died years ago.
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If you can lie, you can act, and if you can lie to crazy girlfriends, you can act under pressure.
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I think that one of the reasons why people look towards the end of humanity is that people are afraid to die alone. If you die alone, the people you love will miss you, or if they die, you miss them - the sorrow is inevitable. When you truly love someone, the thought of losing them forever is horrible.
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The two things I understand best are stand-up comedy and martial arts. And those things require an ultimate grasp of the truth. You have to be objective about your skills and abilities to compete in both.
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The planet's spinning a thousand miles an hour around this gigantic nuclear explosion while these people roll these machines with rubber tires over this hard surface that we've laid down over the planet so that we can easily move ourselves back and forth.
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No matter how civilized we are and how much society has curbed violent behavior. Human beings still have the same genes they had 10,000 years ago. Our bodies are designed to have a certain amount of physical stress and violence in them. We're designed to run from jaguars and fight to defend our territory.
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I see martial arts as moving forms of meditation. When you're sparring or drilling techniques, you can't think of anything else.
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Apartment living is tough action. Just the whole idea that you share a washer and dryer always freaked me out.
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If you are the greatest, why would you go around talking about it?
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