American - Comedian | -
I told my doctor I get very tired when I go on a diet, so he gave me pep pills. Know what happened? I ate faster.
Joe E. Lewis
TiredMeDoctorDietGoKnow
Show me a friend in need and I'll show you a pest.
FriendMeYouNeedShowPest
Show me a man with both feet on the ground and I'll show you a man who can't get his pants on.
ManMeFeetYouPantsGround
I'm still chasing girls. I don't remember what for, but I'm still chasing them.
RememberChasingStillThem
I don't like money actually, but it quiets the nerves.
MoneyLikeNervesActually
It doesn't matter whether you are rich or poor - as long as you've got money.
MoneyRichLongYouMatterPoor
There's only one thing money won't buy, and that is poverty.
MoneyPovertyBuyOne ThingOnly
Show me a man with very little money and I will show you a bum.
MoneyManMeYouWillLittle
Adlai Stevenson has a genius for saying the right thing, at the right time, to the wrong people.
TimePeopleSayingGeniusWrong
I've been on such a losing streak that if I had been around I would have taken General Custer and given points.
LosingBeenWouldGeneralStreak
The way taxes are, you might as well marry for love.
FunnyLoveYouWayTaxesWell
You are only young once, and if you work it right, once is enough.
WorkEnoughYouYoungRightOnly
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