American - Comedian | April 28, 1950 -
Al Jazeera aired a new tape of Osama bin Laden. It was the usual stuff, he called Bush evil, the Great Satan, called him a war monger. Basically, the same thing you heard at last night's Democratic debate.
Jay Leno
GreatWarEvilNightYouDebate
The Washington Bullets are changing their name. They don't want their team to be associated with crime. From now on, they'll just be known as the Bullets.
TeamNameNowWantWashingtonCrime
The Pentagon still has not given a name to the Iraqi war. Somehow 'Operation Re-elect Bush' doesn't seem to be popular.
WarNameSeemStillGivenOperation
Do you know what White House correspondents call actors who pose as reporters? Anchors.
YouHouseWhiteKnowPoseCall
You're not famous until my mother has heard of you.
MotherFamousYouHeardUntil
If God had wanted us to vote, he would have given us candidates.
GodVoteUsWouldWantedHe
If God doesn't destroy Hollywood Boulevard, he owes Sodom and Gomorrah an apology.
GodHollywoodApologyDestroyHe
The New England Journal of Medicine reports that 9 out of 10 doctors agree that 1 out of 10 doctors is an idiot.
MedicineIdiotNewJournalOut
You aren't famous until my mother has heard of you.
People don't mind if you have a lot of money if they know you're working for it.
MoneyPeopleMindYouKnowWorking
The best way to ruin a comedy is to throw a lot of money at it.
BestMoneyComedyWayRuinThrow
My stockbroker asked me something important today: paper or plastic?
TodayMeImportantPlasticSomething
Copyright © 2024 QuotesDict Jay Leno quotes