American - Comedian | March 16, 1906 - February 24, 1998
Why do Jewish divorces cost so much? They're worth it.
Henny Youngman
WorthWhyWorth ItJewishCostMuch
She's been married so many times she has rice marks on her face.
MarriageFaceSheRiceHerBeen
A self-taught man usually has a poor teacher and a worse student.
TeacherManStudentPoorWorse
What's the use of happiness? It can't buy you money.
HappinessMoneyYouBuyUse
You have a ready wit. Tell me when it's ready.
MeYouReadyWitTell
I played a lot of tough clubs in my time. Once a guy in one of those clubs wanted to bet me $10 that I was dead. I was afraid to bet.
TimeMeToughDeadAfraidGuy
Take my wife... Please!
WifeTakePlease
If you had your life to live over again, do it overseas.
LifeLiveYouOverAgainYour
My brother was a lifeguard in a car wash.
CarBrotherWashLifeguard
She has a wash and wear bridal gown.
SheWearWashGownBridal
That was the first time I saw a horse start from a kneeling position!
TimeStartHorseFirst TimeFirst
Why do Jewish men die before their wives? They want to.
MenDieWantWhyJewishBefore
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