American - Comedian | November 3, 1953 -
I rant, therefore I am.
Dennis Miller
FunnyI AmRantAmTherefore
I lapsed into rude.
Rude
Two wrongs may not make a right, but a thousand wrongs make a writer.
RightTwoMayMakeWriterThousand
Liberals should not overplay this weapons of mass destruction card, because you want me to tell you the truth? Most of us are not going to care if they don't find these weapons of mass destruction. It's enough for a lot of us to see those kids smiling on that street again.
TruthMeCareEnoughSmilingYou
What is guilt? Guilt is the pledge drive constantly hammering in our heads that keeps us from fully enjoying the show. Guilt is the reason they put the articles in Playboy.
DriveGuiltReasonUsShowPledge
Why is electricity so expensive these days? Why does it cost so much for something I can make with a balloon and my hair?
HairElectricityI CanWhyBalloon
You know there is a problem with the education system when you realize that out of the 3 R's only one begins with an R.
EducationProblemYouKnowRealize
The death penalty is becoming a way of life in this country.
LifeDeathCountryDeath PenaltyWay
I want to help the helpless, but I don't want to help the clueless.
HelpWantHelplessClueless
A recent police study found that you're much more likely to get shot by a fat cop if you run.
PoliceFatYouRunMoreStudy
Police in Washington D.C. are now using cameras to catch drivers who go through red lights. Many congressmen this week opposed the use of the red light cameras incorrectly assuming they were being used for surveillance at local brothels.
LightPoliceRedWeekLightsGo
The White House looked into a plan that would allow illegal immigrants to stay in the United States. The plan called for a million Mexicans to marry a million of our ugliest citizens.
PlanHouseWhiteImmigrantsStay
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