American - Musician | April 9, 1928 -
When you get to fifty-two food becomes more important than sex.
Tom Lehrer
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An actress must never lose her ego - without it she has no talent.
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On my income tax 1040 it says 'Check this box if you are blind.' I wanted to put a check mark about three inches away.
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Counting in octal is just like counting in decimal, if you don't use your thumbs.
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It is a sobering thought that when Mozart was my age, he had been dead for two years.
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Irreverence is easy - what's hard is wit.
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I'm not tempted to write a song about George W. Bush. I couldn't figure out what sort of song I would write. That's the problem: I don't want to satirise George Bush and his puppeteers, I want to vaporise them.
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I wasn't really a performer by temperament.
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Laughter is involuntary. If it's funny you laugh.
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I figure I wrote 37 songs in 20 years, and that's not exactly a full-time job. It wasn't that I was writing and writing and writing and quit. Every now and then I wrote something, and every now and then I didn't. The second just outnumbered the first.
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I like Jon Stewart. He's not as obnoxious as Dennis Miller, whom I really can't stand.
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Eddie Izzard is wonderful, I think, but I've only seen that one HBO special he did. He's one of the few people who talk about stuff other than girlfriends and relationships and flatulence and genitalia. There are very few of them who actually talk about real stuff.
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