Robert Benchley Quotes

American - Comedian | September 15, 1889 - November 21, 1945

A boy can learn a lot from a dog: obedience, loyalty, and the importance of turning around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

DogLoyaltyLearnDownThreeLying

Drawing on my fine command of the English language, I said nothing.

Robert Benchley

FunnyLanguageDrawingSaidNothing

I have tried to know absolutely nothing about a great many things, and I have succeeded fairly well.

Robert Benchley

FunnyGreatKnowNothingThings

A dog teaches a boy fidelity, perseverance, and to turn around three times before lying down.

Robert Benchley

DogPerseverancePetDownThreeBoy

Drinking makes such fools of people, and people are such fools to begin with that it's compounding a felony.

Robert Benchley

PeopleFoolsBeginDrinkingMakes

I have been told by hospital authorities that more copies of my works are left behind by departing patients than those of any other author.

Robert Benchley

MoreHospitalLeftBehindBeenThan

At fifteen one is first beginning to realize that everything isn't money and power in this world, and is casting about for joys that do not turn to dross in one's hands.

Robert Benchley

PowerMoneyBeginningWorldHands

Why don't you get out of that wet coat and into a dry martini?

Robert Benchley

FunnyYouWhyOutCoatWet

The surest way to make a monkey of a man is to quote him.

Robert Benchley

ManMonkeyWayHimQuoteMake

The freelance writer is a man who is paid per piece or per word or perhaps.

Robert Benchley

ManPaidWhoWriterPieceWord

Anyone can do any amount of work, provided it isn't the work he is supposed be doing at that moment.

Robert Benchley

WorkMomentDoingHeSupposedAny

Dachshunds are ideal dogs for small children, as they are already stretched and pulled to such a length that the child cannot do much harm one way or the other.

Robert Benchley

ChildrenPetChildSmallWayDogs

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