American - Comedian | September 15, 1889 - November 21, 1945
I know I'm drinking myself to a slow death, but then I'm in no hurry.
Robert Benchley
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The biggest obstacle to professional writing is the necessity for changing a typewriter ribbon.
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Even nowadays a man can't step up and kill a woman without feeling just a bit unchivalrous.
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Other men wear white suits in summer and it doesn't seem to bother them. But my white suit seems to be a little whiter than theirs. I think also that it may have something written on the back of it, although I can't find it when I take the suit off.
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Great literature must spring from an upheaval in the author's soul. If that upheaval is not present then it must come from the works of any other author which happens to be handy and easily adapted.
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We are constantly being surprised that people did things well before we were born.
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There seems to be no lengths to which humorless people will not go to analyze humor. It seems to worry them.
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In a house where there are small children the bathroom soon takes on the appearance of the Old Curiosity Shop.
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After an author has been dead for some time, it becomes increasingly difficult for his publishers to get a new book out of him each year.
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Most of the arguments to which I am party fall somewhat short of being impressive, owing to the fact that neither I nor my opponent knows what we are talking about.
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Anyone who tries to keep track of what is happening in China is going to end up by wearing all the skin of his left ear from twirling around on it.
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We call ourselves a free nation, and yet we let ourselves be told what cabs we can and can't take by a man at a hotel door, simply because he has a drum major's uniform on.
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