American - Comedian | September 15, 1889 - November 21, 1945
Opera is where a guy gets stabbed in the back, and instead of dying, he sings.
Robert Benchley
BackDyingOperaGuyWhereHe
A real hangover is nothing to try out family remedies on. The only cure for a real hangover is death.
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Nothing makes a man feel older than to hear a band coming up the street and not to have the impulse to rush downstairs and out on to the sidewalk.
ManFeelStreetNothingBandOut
I do most of my work sitting down; that's where I shine.
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A great many people have come up to me and asked how I manage to get so much work done and still keep looking so dissipated.
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It took me fifteen years to discover I had no talent for writing, but I couldn't give it up because by that time I was too famous.
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You might think that after thousands of years of coming up too soon and getting frozen, the crocus family would have had a little sense knocked into it.
FamilyThinkYouFrozenYearsUp
If Mr. Einstein doesn't like the natural laws of the universe, let him go back to where he came from.
UniverseBackGoHimNaturalLaws
Tell us your phobias and we will tell you what you are afraid of.
FearYouWillAfraidTellUs
For a nation which has an almost evil reputation for bustle, bustle, bustle, and rush, rush, rush, we spend an enormous amount of time standing around in line in front of windows, just waiting.
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An ardent supporter of the hometown team should go to a game prepared to take offense, no matter what happens.
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In America there are two classes of travel - first class, and with children.
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